no way

one fact: don't wanna go back to school.
wanna sleep, study by myself.
anything but not school.
why?
because all the burdens will come. i'll become blur and blank again.
please! please!
stay alive!

but i'm actually fine, though.
i'm just.. weird.

yes, weird.

attention-seeker,
liar,
plastic,
stupid,
dumb,

yes, that's me.

and please, please,
all those unnecessary feelings should be gone.
i'm tired of it. please.
why me?
why should i experience all these things?
why should i be given hope,
when it'll just be a dream,
and will never come true?

am i that strong?
am i?
what else will happen to me?
who's the next hater?
what are the other stupid things that i'll do?
how will i embarrass myself next time?

all those questions lingered in my mind.
i'm exhausted. but i keep on being patient. and hoping that i can laugh and smile non-stop tomorrow,
or maybe one day.

i hope that because i've suffered so much during my childhood+teen life, i'll suffer no more when i grow up  , and be the happiest adult ever.

please.

but should i cry right now?
should i pity myself?
i'm just tired of being strong. it's eating me.
i've been weak these days.
no one will come and rescue you, Hani.

please. rescue. yourself.

dilemma, indeed.
demotivated. yes.
pessimistic. definitely.

don't be like me. i might be in the mental hospital one day. or fail in life.
Assalamualaikum.
and yeah, discrimination, please kindly go away. i hate you.