screaammm!

Inspired by awesome YouTube guys like Anwar Hadi, Mat Luthfi, Aiman Azlan, Nigahiga and Kevjumba...

I'm always entertained when seeing all those vlogs people make. It's like a never-ending source of fun. And as a normal awkward teenager will always do, I'll dream that one day, I might have the guts to speak on YouTube like them. You know, it's a dream.

But when I decided to do so, I always think about some reasons why I should have NOT done so. I'm a little paranoid, you see.

#1  I'm not a great talker.
Yeah, I'm a school debater, talking like no one else's watching. I love to talk (non-stop/ ask my mom, she'll agree with that). But, I have problems sometimes. You know, I see my awesomeness when I'm alone, mumbling to myself (like practicing for my debate competition) or looking at the mirror. But when it comes to talking to the crowd, the awesomeness just faded away (sorry for any bad english, it's spontaneous).
Like what I did during the final of district level (debate), I screwed our chance to win. I DID IT, I know. But nobody told me so as they are going to need me debating again next year. I feel stupid.
I never thought that after years of talking in front of the crowd, I'd still stammer. I'll just lost my words and stuffs. And that, ladies and gentlemen, my biggest fear (after blood, lizard and frog)

#2   I'm afraid of not being accepted
That doesn't need any more explanation, does it?

#3  I'm still unsure whether Islam allows Muslim women to kinda "expose" themselves to the crowd even though they cover their aurat.
I've got enough risk of being in Facebook -,-''. I'm paranoid, I know.

#4  I'm not even friendly to my friend (not all of them do like me)
I can't seem to imagine myself being liked by the crowd if I can't even make myself comfortable in real life.
I might be going to post some stupid videos containing hatred and stuffs.

[p/s: this blog is not quite public to my friends, I guess not much people have seen this blog. That's why I'm merepek-ing]

AND YEAH, it's just my lack of self-esteem I guess. All the YouTubers must have been taking quite a risk, right? *sigh*